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By Timothy T.C. So - February 18, 2009
As Joseph Campbell’s quote suggests, there are certain moments that we feel so connected with another person that we become one entity, and perhaps LOVE is the only force that makes two persons become one Love, magical to many people, is suggested to lead to a variety of positive outcomes for instance happiness, satisfaction and positive emotions (Kim & Hatfield). But what exactly grants love the magic? People hold difference views: the sense of existence and significance, the emotional support from the significant other especially during difficult times, or even the sense of intimacy and companionship. Elijah Mickel (the author of Africa Centered Reality Therapy and Choice Theory) and Cecilia Hall (from Delaware State University) recently wrote about the five presents of perfect love. I would like to share this food for thought with you in February – the month of LOVE – when St. Valentine’s Day in the West and Yuanxiao Jie (元宵節) in the East occur in the same month. 5 presents (5Ps) of perfect love
Lastly, the 5Ps obviously should not be limited to romantic love. Be it your parents, siblings, children or friends, you should also strive for these five presents in your love towards them. After spending a sweet moment with your lover on the lovely St. Valentine’s day and Chinese Yuanxiao Jie, are you ready to present your 5 presents of love to people around you? Good Luck! Author notes: This article is dedicated to my parents, my love and every of my friends. I love you! Reference: Mickel, E. (2005). Africa Centered Reality Therapy and Choice Theory. Trenton, New Jersey: Africa World Press Mickel, E., & Hall, C. (2008). Choosing to love: The essentials of loving (presents and problems). International Journal of Reality Therapy, 27, 30-34. Kim, J., & Hatfield, E. (2004). Love types and subjective well-being: A cross cultural study. Social Behavior and Personality, 32, 173-182. This article first appeared on Positive Psychology News Daily. To see the original article, click here. To comment on this article, click here.  Timothy So, Msc, is an Associate Editor for Positive Psychology News Daily responsible for both the Traditional and the Simplified Chinese site. Timothy is working for RSG Consulting as a research consultant associate, and will pursue a PhD in management and organizational behavior this October. Full bio. Timothy writes on the 18th of each month and his past articles are here.
Stress and tension are part of most people lives and threaten your health in many ways. Stress can come in the form of accidents, financial difficulties, problems at work, family issues, and poor health. The way to manage stress has a lot to do with your mental, emotional, and physical health. The following are some ways that you can manage the stress in your life: Understand where your stress is coming from. Examine your life and see if it is possible to make changes in the areas that are causing you stress. Relaxation techniques such as massage, deep breathing, meditation, or yoga may help to relieve your stress. Exercise or other physical activity will help you deal with stress Practice time management. Put your tasks into a priority list. When you make your list take into account yourself, your family, and your job. Using a check list will give you satisfaction when you complete a task. Eat a healthy and balanced diet. Avoid sugar, fats, tobacco, caffeine, and alcohol as all of these items will put a strain on the way your body copes with stress. Make sure that you get enough sleep and rest. Find someone to talk to if things are bothering you. You can talk to family, friends or find a support group. Volunteering can give you a sense of purpose and increase your self esteem and reduce your stress. Relax by reading a book or watching a movie, listening to music or working at a hobby you enjoy. Anger can be very stressful. Examine the causes and take action to remove them. A short holiday will help you deal with stress. Don’t take on too much at one time. Learn to take it easy. Don’t try to be perfect in everything that you do. Try not to be too critical of others. Always try to see the amusing side of any situation. Laughter is the best medicine. Your neck and jaw are often the first to feel the effects of stress and tension. Moving your head from side to side and front to back will usually help. Also try rotating your neck in a circle slowly. Set small and smart goals for yourself and then work carefully and realistically towards achieving them. Keep in mind that unrealistic goals never seem to be reached and this can add to your stress level. Try to set just goal for yourself this week by using the SMART approach: SPECIFIC: Pick one small goal and write it down. MEASURABLE: Is there a way to know when it is completed? ACHIEVABLE: Make sure it is not too big. REWARDED: When you have finished, how will you reward yourself TIME-LIMITED: In order to be a SMART goal it must have a realistic finish date and time. Laugh at stress. Laughter is your body’s natural stress-release mechanism. Rent your favorite funny movie or record a TV show that you know makes you laugh. You can keep the recording on hand for those stress emergencies. Go to the library and borrow a book that you know will make you laugh. Or read the daily comics in the newspaper. Cope with stress by going for a walk. If the stress is at work, go for a walk at lunchtime. Walking will give you time to look at the situation that is causing you a problem. Any other exercise will also help with stress relief Related postsThe newest anxiety and stress reliever on the market is Rhodiola Rosea which is a natural cure. Golden Root, another name for Rhodiola Rosea, derives from a plant that is located in frigid Siberia. For centuries it has been used by eastern European and Asian cultures for physical endurance, work productivity, longevity, resistance to high altitude sickness, and to treat fatigue, depression, anemia, impotence, gastrointestinal ailments, infections, and nervous system disorders. Evidence shows rodia riza has been used as medicine since first recorded many years ago. (name changed to Rhodiola Rosea) In 77 C, it was the Greek Physician, Dioscorides, who was known to have made this.E. it is in the ‘De Materia Medica’. Official Russian medicine has accepted the inclusion of Rhodiola Rosea since 1969. Centuries have passed and it was only until recently that the Western world discovered the health benefits of Rhodiola Rosea. In these days it is hard not to have stress and anxiety in your life. What is amazing is that something natural like a herb can have such an effect Considered to be an adaptogen, Rhodiola Rosea The implication is that it serves to stabilize bodily functions without interfering with them. Once one is able to get the hormones to a normal level it may help with depression and anxiety. Research conducted on Rhodiola Rosea demonstrates that it acts as a stimulus on neurotransmitters and has an enhancing effect on brain function. Another benefit is that it includes the chance for the brain to produce serotonin that will also help the body get used to stress more easily. The effect that adaptogens have on the body is being studied so that we can know it’s biological, chemical and physical stress results. A test was conducted to determine how Rhodiola Rosea performed in instances where stress results from focused mental tasks. You never know what kind of test you will be facing in this world, so you really need to pay attention when someone is trying to teach you something.. Rhodiola Rosea is good not only as a stress reliever, but can improve the quality of work you perform, as well as boosting memory and making you less tired.
Both physical and emotional sources of stress and anxiety respond to the effects of Rhodiola Rosea, according to tests. The American Botanical Council reports that the majority of those using it discover that it is beneficial for mood, amount of energy, and mental acuity. A research study found that Rhodiola Rosea can increase one’s tolerance of stress while concurrently working to ease the physical effects of stress that can harm the brain or heart. This study contained information on tests that accentuate the comprehensive health advantages of Rhodiola Rosea. The general dosage, that should be taken, is 200 to 600 milligrams per day. Generally, those properties considered to be active should strive to be a minimum 0.Eight percent salidroside; three percent rosavin. For consumers it is imperative that they know Rhodiola imitations might be sold at such a mild level they are not effective strength for treatment or using another species that does not share the same properties of Rhodiola Rosea. If a person is experiencing depression or anxiety, they need to consult with a medical professional as these symptoms are treated.
Related postsFor some people, acrophobia or fear of heights is a significant stress trigger. While my wife is blissfully relaxed in cable cars and driving on high mountains, I become a quivering mess. My first awareness of this was driving up to a British hill station in north-eastern India. The 6000 feet climb caused me huge stress and I had to figure how high and I could relieve the stress Different experiences trigger different levels of stress for people. Some people get a rush out of extreme sports while others are terrified at the thought of doing such dangerous things. For me, it is heights like to think of a way of reducing the stress. My best stress relief What makes you stressed and worried? Spiders, snakes, people, tests, and public speaking are very common stressors. Look at what I’m going to say and work out which ones are problems for you. There are many workplace triggers that induce stress for people. These include poor role description, inadequate working environment, boring work, being asked to do things that don’t fit your skill set, inadequate or insufficient training, and poor bosses. Sometimes the work culture that creates stress, racism, sexual harassment, discriminatory treatment and so. There are many potential triggers in the workplace and the job for you is to find the best stress relief mechanisms. People have their own list of personal fears. Having grown up on a farm, I’m not particularly scared of snakes but many of my friends are terrified. A dinner party where you are meant to look good and sound smart can be quite stressful. Some people worry about their body shape because they are too fat. As most of us have an extended family, and we assume responsibility for our family, we can worry about things like education, unwanted pregnancies, and financial difficulties. Worse, parents worry about their children becoming drug dependent. Relationship problems one of the major causes of people seek therapy. There are plenty of family triggers for stress. We each need to know what it is that causes stress and we have to learn how to relieve the stress. I use a simple acronym to help people manage their stress - BE CALM. It is B for build, E for examine, C for confront, A for accept, L for let go (forgive, forget), and M for Move on with your life. I explain this more carefully in clinical settings but the important point is that we can map out a program to relieve and manage stress very well.
Related postsAttention. If you’ve got hives bad enough that your tongue and mouth are bigger or if you can’t seem to catch, get to a doctor immediately! Also, if hives persist longer than seven days or so, go see your doctor. They are little red bumps on your skin that itch like crazy. Some people describe it as a bunch of bees having a party in there. They are caused by hormones in the skin that lets liquid ooze out of your veins which gathers in little pockets under your skin. Frequently, the hives will change location. Often the cause of acute hives is very clear: You eat strawberries and soon you look like one. Some people develop the itchy little bumps after taking certain medications. Some causes are harder to find because they can be triggered by animals, mold, chemicals we use for personal hygiene, and some other diseases like lupus. The weather can also be a factor. Our body’s covering is an organ. As such, it is very sensitive to chemical changes. Stress changes body chemistry, some of it very drastically so yes, stress does cause hives in some people. In some people, one of the symptoms of anxiety attacks is itchiness. Stress and anxiety cause the body to produce chemicals called cortisol and adrenaline. An intestinal peptide known as VIP may also be produced. An overabundance of these chemicals is thought to cause an imbalance in the body’s hormones, thus triggering an outbreak of hives. If stress caused the rashes, they will stay till the anxiety is removed. One won’t go away without the other. If they stay longer than six weeks, they are called chronic hives. Chronic hives are usually more mysterious. Their causes are rarely uncovered, even by expert investigators. Fortunately, both kinds of hives respond to a variety of treatments. When hives begin to blossom, you often can save your body from becoming a bouquet of red lumps by taking a cool shower. That’s a cool shower. Hot water stimulates histamine release and can turn you into a giant, walking bump colony. Hives that are caused by stress need two kinds of medication. One is an antihistamine to drain the bumps and another is an antidepressant to help the patient relax. One drug often prescribed is Doxepin. If it appears that the hives are one of the signs of clinical depression for the patient, other medications will be in order. When they arrive, try to determine what caused the hives. They look the same whether they were caused by a toxin in your surroundings or stress. Sometimes it is really hard to come to a firm conclusion. Sometimes finding the cause of hives involves some detective work. Doctors suggest keeping an accurate diary of everything when an episode begins. It is important to note everything from the time of day, the food that’s in front of you, the location, the mood you’re in, the situation itself and how stressful it might be and also how long the episode lasts. Hives have many causes. Sometimes they are the symptoms of other illnesses so it is very important to have your doctor check you out for any other problems which might be lurking behind the outbreak.
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We live in a world today that is loaded with stress. Picture stress as a heavy weight, or, in fact, look at stress as a barbell with a weight on each end. We put the bar bell on our shoulders and starting out with a light weight we have no problem. We can handle. The next day we add an additional weight. We feel the difference but we can still handle it. If we keep adding weight, the pressure keeps increasing and eventually we can’t handle the additional weight and we break down. That is exactly what happens to us when we are under constant, increasing stress. We need to take some of that weight off the bar. What we are talking about is managing stress. Understand that everyone has a breaking point. We saw that with our prisoners of war. There is also bad stress. You feel like a runaway train. You are out of control. Afterward, you are exhausted. The next day you look back on the situation and feel like you could have accomplished more. Nothing good came of it. When man was first put on this earth, he had to be strong just to survive. He had to be able to run and he needed to be strong just to get his food. There were many dangers facing early man. We refer to this instinct as flight or fight. Today’s world is quite different. Man doesn’t face the same dangers as prehistoric man. But his body makeup hasn’t changed that much. We feel we have to manage it all, resulting in uncertainties and mental overloads. Some how we keep going, but our bodies protest against our demanding life style. The flight or fight syndrome has been greatly reduced for modern man. Modern man is more sedentary, his body has no way to get rid of the adrenaline that has been pumped into it. The adrenaline has a harmful effect on the body and causes it to break down. Many of us eat or drink to cope with stress. We gain weight for eating too much leading us right back to being discouraged, tense, and frustrated. Stress in itself is no necessarily bad, it is how we react to stress that can hurt. What happens inside our body when there is violent physical action taking place or is going to take place? The breathing increases because the muscles are going to need oxygen. The heart starts to beat faster because it has to pump blood to the muscles. Blood is taken away from the stomach and the stomach cramps. The eyes dilate (pupils get larger) to be able to see better. Hearing is made more acute. The hormone adrenaline is dumped into the blood stream. It is important to control the stress in your life. Make it work for you and not against you. Prolonged stress can result in high blood pressure and is contributing cause of heart disease. What can we do to help ourselves? * The first thing to do is to take control of your time by making priorities and pace yourself. * Assert yourself. If you want it ask for it. If you do not like something, say so. Do not keep quiet and suffer all night thinking about what you should have said. * In times of stress, people need people. Seek the comfort and support of people you trust. We need someone who will listen to us. Although simple, these help measures really work!
Related postsWhat makes your stress worse? Your job? Money? Moving? Love or lack of it? Physical or emotional pain? Your in-laws? You know managing and reducing stress prevents many health problems. Problems like blood pressure, poor diet, potential addiction, and more. Stopping these problems before they start by managing your stress is a better use of time and money. I know you wouldn’t choose to have problems with your blood pressure, heart, or trouble sleeping. But, ignoring your stress is very close to doing just that. People with stress problems often look to avoid the discomfort by looking for pleasure or distraction. Things like watching TV, movies, using medications, food, smoking or other addictions. Many people think medication is the only alternative, and try to avoid that. If there were a simple, clinically studied and proven method to relieve stress, would you use it? Of course you would, if it really works. You have probably used watching TV or a movie to help you relax. How does that help? It gives you a distraction. Something else to focus on and think about, right? But there really isn’t much “thinking” going on… it just indirectly creates a quiet state of mind. People get this state of mind with creative visualization, breathing exercises, yoga, meditation and deep prayer. These things technically achieve a mental state of hypnosis. Since it is a natural state of mind, it takes very little practice to regularly get this hyper focused state. Hypnosis is a state of mind everyone goes into several times a day. Hypnotizing yourself, on purpose, is so easy to do and is so beneficial to your stress and health in general. There are medical clinical studies in the National Library of Medicine you can research on www.pubmed.gov. Physical and mental stress relief Using an appropriately trained hypnotist or using a quality self-hypnosis audio to reduce general stress are great alternatives. Hypnosis has a higher rate of long-term success than medication and hypnosis has zero side-effects. Note: Even though hypnosis has been an approved by the American Medical Association since 1958, it does not replace conventional medicine.
Related postsToo much stress can really take its toll on your health. Living your life with chronic stress can lead to heart disease, depression, diabetes and other maladies. The problem is that stress will be part of our lives no matter what we do. The good thing is that we can learn how to deal with stress by using some simple techniques. Breathing exercises are a wonderful technique you can use to manage stress and keep your sanity. Don’t forget the important role that diet also plays, you want to eat as healthy as possible and stay away from substances such as caffeine and nicotine. Relaxation is also key, you want to make sure you fully unwind and relax every evening before going to sleep. Taking care of your health is more than just your physical health, you also need to take care of your mental and spiritual health as well. Doing this will allow you to handle pretty much anything life throws at you. Not only are you happier when you learn how to deal with stress the right way, you also experience many other benefits including: 3. A Healthier You. Stress can actually be good for you when it comes from the right place. Your own personal goals should be challenging enough to push you a bit out of your comfort zone. The health problems come when stress seems beyond our control and it overwhelms us. Knowing the difference is what leads to better health. When you don’t deal with your stress you start to experience stress symptoms such as indigestion, bloating and headaches. If you don’t do something about it immediately it will lead to something far worse like cancer or heart disease. 2. Improved Productivity. When you have your stress under control you can get a lot more done throughout the day. Relax and stay positive. Optimism is extremely powerful at both combating stress and adding more joy to your life. 3. Better Self-Esteem and More Energy. One of the best ways to experience the benefits of less stress and an improved self-esteem is by getting active and exercising You can start taking control of your stress and your life today by using these techniques. About the Author: Related postsDo you feel stressed and tired most of the time? Are you suffering symptoms of stress and fatigue? Learning some easy relaxation techniques can improve your health, reduce your stress and relieve anxiety. If you are constantly tired then learning relaxation skills may improve your sleep patterns. But how do you find the time if you are busy person? Learning the basics of relaxation is not difficult if you practice regularly. There are several key skills that are common to almost all relaxation methods. These are: Learn To Notice Physical Signs Of Tension Start paying attention to your body and how it feels at different times of the day. Take a few moments and just notice how your body feels. Is there any tension anywhere? Is your breathing fast or slow? Is it shallow or deep? Do you have a headache or a clenched jaw? Do you feel relaxed or tense? Describe the feelings in your body. This is called a ‘body scan’. Each person experiences tension in their own way. Doing a body scan several times a day will help you get to know your body better. Recognizing signs of stress and tension early is an easy relaxation skill. Learn To Control Your Breathing All relaxation techniques include different breathing techniques. Start to pay attention to your breathing and learn to slow it down to 10-12 breaths per minute. Learn how to breath deeply and slowly, using your abdomen. Yoga and meditation are two methods of learning relaxed breathing styles. Slowing the breathing down is one of the fastest relaxation techniques. It works because it changes the oxygen concentration in your blood. Slowing the breathing rate helps to relax tense muscles. Notice your breathing during the day. Is it shallow and fast? Does your chest and throat feel tight? Or is it slow and deep? Try to change your breathing and see what effect it has on your level of tension. Don’t take big deep breaths or you may hyperventilate or become lightheaded which will increase tension. Learn to slow down your mind Is your mind always busy and thinking of all the things you still have to do? Do you worry a lot? Many people have trouble “switching off”. Begin to notice when your mind feels more active and when it feels calmer. Practice letting the thoughts come and go without getting ‘hooked’ into them. It is a common myth that when learning relaxation your mind should be empty of thoughts. This is not true. Even when deeply relaxed most people have thoughts. The difference is that when relaxed you can let them float by and not have to put effort into them. It is a like sitting at a train station. Trains come and go, you notice them but you do not have to get on every train that goes through the station. Learning to notice body signs of tension, controlling your breathing and slowing down your mind are the basic skills of all relaxation methods. If you practice these each day your ability to relax will quickly improve. Related articles
Related postsAre you struggling to make time for yourself? Too busy and stressed to relax? Most of us know we need time out to relax and recharge the batteries but finding the time can be difficult. Relaxation has many benefits for the mind and the body but often people feel they are ‘too busy’ to spend time doing relaxation exercises. Learning relaxation skills is an important part of any program to improve general health and wellbeing. Regular practice will reduce stress on the body and mind, allowing it time to heal and recover from the daily stresses of life. This helps to prevent the build up of tension and make it easier to cope when problems and tension does occur. The feeling of being relaxed is similar to feeling slightly drowsy. Some people feel that their body is heavy and others report a feeling of lightness. Deep relaxation is a state of being free of muscle tension and a slowing down of the mind. As you come out of a relaxed state you will feel refreshed and alert. Relaxation methods have many positive effects on the body including: 1. Slowing the heart rate 2. Slowing the breathing rate 3. Lowering blood pressure 4. Reducing tension in the muscles 5. Decreased need for oxygen while relaxed 6. Slowing down of thoughts, not the absence of thoughts 7. Feeling of calmness and peacefulness 1. Lower blood pressure 2. Reduced headaches, general aches and pains 3. Feeling of increased alertness 4. Improvement in concentration 5. Reduced feelings of anxiety and panic 6. Better control of anger outbursts and irritability 7. Better pain management 8. Less emotional reactivity to problems 9. Improved study skills 10. Feeling more in control 11. Better able to cope with stressful situations 12. Improved immune system functioning People of all ages can benefit from learning relaxation. Many people feel they must be doing something active for it to have a health benefit and relaxation does not appear to be “doing” anything. However while the body is in a relaxed state there is a lot of work going on that is essential to good health. If you are trying to improve health or recover from illness be sure to include relaxation skills in your daily routine to get maximum improvement. The body is not designed to be active and in a state of tension all day. The mind is not designed to be working at a rapid pace and trying to process information all day either. By taking time out to put your body and mind in a state of relaxation you will improve your ability to cope with stress, think clearly and feel in control of stressful situations. Learning relaxation is easy with the use of relaxation audios. Just set aside some time each day where you can listen to the audio without interruption. Relaxation is an inexpensive preventative health method that has many positive effects. It is one of the foundations of any good health program. Related articles
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. Lillian F Tighe is an authority on healthy living and has written a book